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Come on in, step-son. We have something we need to talk about. I understand you’re still a virgin. You’re a little too old now to be jerking off to pictures of women on the internet. You need some practice so you’re ready when you finally meet a woman who will let you fuck her. So I’ve brought you your girlfriend stand-in: a pillow. That’s right. You’re going to lose your virginity to a pillow while I sit here and instruct you. I know it seems strange, but I can already see that bulge in your pants growing. You hormones are raging inside of you. It’s unhealthy to hold in those urges. So let’s begin.
